You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
