Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
