Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
