Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
