I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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