Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
