if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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