Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
