I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think my moral compass just broke
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