That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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