When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
