i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
