i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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