I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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