Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
