She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
