Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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