His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
