I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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