perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
