Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
