The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's always time for handjobs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
