The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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