Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
