Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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