How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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