I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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