some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
