Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize