the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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