I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
