you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.