he shaved USA in his pubs
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day