I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.