Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen