I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.