I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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