there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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