I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
