My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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