Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
