you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
