I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
