Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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