How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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