yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
