I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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