i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
