I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
