I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
