dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
