We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
