did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
