i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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