Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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