He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I fill condoms, not promises.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
