Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is classic penis vs brain.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
