Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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