only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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