Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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