A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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