im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
