i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
