There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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