I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
