You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
