dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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