Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
