just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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