Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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